Fated to Love You
by Dream Painter
Summary: Tantomile has always wanted more than the loneliness she and her brother have come to nurture in their lives. When a mistake made in a moment of vulnerability forces her paw, she must choose to take the chance or let it pass. Will she find her happiness? … Will Cori?
1. A Moment of Vulnerability

**Fated to Love You**

By Dream Painter

_**Summary:**__ _When Coricopat makes an especially hurtful remark to his sister, Tantomile retreats and finds comfort – and more – in another. It was a single moment that set in motion irreversible change. But will things change for the better, or will they get worse? Can she possibly gain all she's ever wanted? Or is it beyond her reach as Cori has always thought?__

_**Notes:** Hello again, CATS fandom! I have missed writing CATS fanfiction and have recently decided to remedy that since my Muse is at a virtual standstill with my HP fics. This is a story I've had in the Stewpot since my last bout of CATS stories. Since the Muse seems to be strong for this one, I decided to start working away. I just hope enough CATS fans remain to enjoy this tale and the other I have in the works (but am not posting, just yet). _

_The title was suggested by my bestie, and is inspired by one of our favorite Kdramas._

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

0o0

_/Cori, don't be like that,/_ Tantomile spoke soothingly to her brother. _/I wasn't trying to offend you. All I meant is that maybe you should try to interact more with the others./_

To many in the Jellicle Junkyard, Coricopat and Tantomile were a package deal. Being twins, they bore identical markings, the only difference between them being that Cori, as a tom, was slightly larger than his sister Tanta. Since kittenhood, they'd done nearly everything together and practice had given them the ability to move and speak with eerie synchronicity.

They had the same appearance, the same mystical abilities, and the same mind – or so many were inclined to believe. The truth of the matter was that the twins were quite different, with their own ideas and opinions and their own likes and dislikes, just like any other siblings. They just usually managed to settle their differences between themselves, their arguments waged in their silent telepathic communication.

_/And what good will that do, Tanta?/_ Coricopat retorted. _/No matter how often you take part in their stupid little skits or join in with fawning over Tugger, you'll never fit in. At the end of the day, we're still just __freaks__./_

Sometimes, however, even they hurt each other's feelings.

Tanta scowled. _/Those are father's words and you know it,/_ she admonished sharply. They had recently heard word of their father, which always tended to set both of them on edge. /_And I happened to notice that you joined in during this year's revel just like the rest of us./_

_/Because Munkustrap asked me to!/_

_/And you expect me to believe you didn't enjoy yourself?/_ she demanded. _/Cori, I know you. Listen... This isn't our old tribe. We __can__ fit in here. There's no reason why we can't have mates and fam-/ _

/Mates_?/_ he scoffed. /_Mates, Tantomile? Do you really think anyone would take a freakish little queen like you?/_

Tantomile was stung. She could understand that her brother was hurt by their father's latest rejection, but now he was going too far.

/_Well?/_

To his utter surprise, her eyes brimmed over with tears. He only belatedly noticed how deeply his remark had actually cut her. And then, much like a door being forced shut upon him, Coricopat could feel her closing her mind to him, barring him access to her thoughts and feelings for the first time in years.

"Bravo, Cori," Tantomile told him aloud. "Now, you've treated me just as father always has. Well done. I'm sure he'd be proud that you're finally behaving like _his_ son." Without another word, she turned and fled from the den they shared.

"Tanta, wait!" the tom called after her, chasing her as far as the door. Too late did he realize the damage his cruel words had just inflicted upon the only family that mattered to him. It seemed he was always taking his anger towards their father out on her.

Now, he had finally driven even her away.

"I'm sorry, sister," Cori murmured miserably to himself, shoulders slumping and tail curling insecurely around his feet. He hadn't meant it. Of course, he hadn't. To him, his sister was remarkable. She was his confidant and best friend. Features settling resolutely, he made a decision. "I'll make it up to you," he promised the empty air. "I'll do better, Tanta. You'll see."

0o0o0

Freak. _Freak._ FREAK.

If there was one word Tantomile hated, that she wished never to hear again, it was 'freak.' The other kittens when they were small would call them that, having first heard it from their parents or other cats in their tribe. It didn't help that their own father thought of them the same. His freak offspring, of whom he was so ashamed that he would not even pass on the mantle of leadership to his heir.

Now, her own brother – the only cat who never made her feel inadequate – had turned that same word against her. How could he? He knew better than anyone else how much it hurt her. _How could he?!_

Tantomile wasn't certain how far she fled through the Junkyard, or even which direction she had gone. She finally had to stop, however, unable to see through the tears distorting her vision and incapable of catching her breath through the hurt sobs shaking her frame.

_Do you really think anyone would take a freakish little queen like you?_

Was it so much to hope for?!

"Tantomile?"

The queen started, trying unsuccessfully to cease her tears. She hadn't expected anyone else – not even her brother, really. (Apologizing wasn't really Coricopat's strong suit.) It was late, even for a cat. It seemed she must have woken someone.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you," she told the tom, not entirely sure who she was addressing, just yet. "I'll go s-somewhere else. I didn't… I'm sorry." She rose to move away, only to be halted by a paw on her shoulder.

"Why are you apologizing?" It was Alonzo, she realized as she heard his voice. "You're already upset – why be sorry to me? I'm fine. More importantly, what has upset you? Why are you crying, Tantomile? I-I've never seen you like this."

"I know. I'm sorry—"

"Stop apologizing," the tom admonished gently. He lifted her chin to get her to look at him and she was finally able to make out the concern on his black and white features. "Now, what's wrong? Is it your brother? Is something wrong with Coricopat?"

Just when she was beginning to think she was getting a handle on her emotions, he had to mention the cause of her upset and set her off all over again with the sobbing.

"Is he all right?" Alonzo asked anxiously, concern heightening. "What happened?!"

Tantomile shook her head, vainly trying to express that the tom's concern for Cori was unmerited. After a moment, she finally found her words. "Coricopat's just _fine_," she told him, the word coming out bitterly, "fine and miserable and h-_hateful_."

"Oh," the bi-color said softly. The twins always seemed so in-sync, it was hard for him to imagine that even they had times where they were at odds. "Did you have a fight?"

"You could say so. It's not much of a fight when only one cat is trying to hurt the other," she responded, although she wasn't sure why. This was between her and her brother, after all. Why would she confide in someone she barely knew?

"What did he say?" Alonzo questioned, frowning at the thought of anyone intentionally trying to hurt someone else. He wasn't naïve. He knew that cats said hurtful things to one another all the time. In fact, he'd be remiss to believe that he had never been on the giving end of such an exchange in his life. For someone to cause so much hurt to a queen who was otherwise so calm and composed, however, seemed unconscionable.

"He called me f-freakish," Tantomile admitted miserably. "Just like father's always done. I know it's silly, but Cori has never… He knows how much it hurts!"

That was the most that Alonzo had learned of the twin's past before joining the tribe. He'd heard from Munkustrap that they had been outcasts in their previous tribe, even rejected by their own father, but it just hadn't really occurred to him how much hurt must have come from it all.

He stroked tears from her cheeks with a paw. "It's not silly," he said firmly, "and he's wrong. Your father is wrong. You're not freakish, at all. You're beautiful and special."

"Special's just another way of saying I'm strange," Tantomile accused.

"It's not," Alonzo said. He wrapped his arms around the upset queen and nuzzled her ear comfortingly. "I promise it's not. There's nothing wrong with being different. It makes you special. You're special. Not freakish, at all."

Tantomile was a bit surprised by the contact. She had not received many embraces in her life, and none for a very long time. Nonetheless, she found herself comforted, her tears stemming and sobs ebbing away. Slowly, she realized that the tom had started purring to make her feel better – and it was working. On impulse, she nuzzled his chin.

"Promise?" she asked insecurely.

"I promise," he confirmed, meeting her amber gaze.

For the first time, he found himself in a position to take in her features. Somehow, he had failed to notice how intricate her markings really were. He'd noticed she was pretty – it wasn't something that often escaped his notice with queens – but he failed to realize how much.

"You're special," Alonzo repeated himself, nuzzling his face against those lovely features. "And you're beautiful."

Looking back later, Tantomile would not really be able to say what had been going through her mind. She was vulnerable and she was hurt, and he was gentle and soothing and _there._ He was there, and in that moment, he was making a lie of the words that had so wounded her.

Perhaps nothing had been going on in her mind, at all. If there had, then surely things would have ended right there. Maybe she just wanted to feel desired and, well, Alonzo certainly proved gifted in that.

How else would she have found herself curled beside the tom in his den the next morning?

0o0

_To be continued..._

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><p><em><strong>AN:** _While I understand that it's not always easy to know what to say, I consider any and all feedback invaluable, no matter how simple. Fanfiction is written primarily for other fans, after all, so even a "Please continue" is of incredible help in feeding the creative Muse. I don't need anything profound, if you don't have it to offer. All I ask is that you let me know you are there.__


	2. The Newest and Greatest Complication

**_A/N__:_**_ A quick update, this time, with a big thanks to those who have read Chapter One and cookies for my reviewers! _

_I want to take a moment to give more details about the twins' past that I probably won't expound upon in this tale. I borrow it from what I utilized for them in a previous fic. In this story (and most of mine), Coricopat and Tantomile originally come from 'a northern Jellicle tribe,' where the cats were less accepting of those who were different. The twins were the only children to their father, who was also the leader of that tribe. Although Cori ought to have been next in line for leadership, their father passed him over for one of their peers without any sort of warning. That was when they moved to our favorite tribe, as they had no place in their old one. Unfortunately, they're both somewhat trapped with that 'outcast' mentality, Coricopat especially, since he took their father's absolute rejection the hardest.  
><em>

_Enough of me. Have a Chapter Two!_

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

0o0

"Alonzo?"

The black and white tom dragged his gaze back to the cats beside him, blue eyes blinking. He'd been distracted again. In fact, he had been prone to such distraction ever since he'd woken several days before, alone, Tantomile's lingering scent the only proof that she had truly been there.

"I'm sorry, what?" Alonzo inquired, shooting another glance across the clearing. Tantomile was still focusing intently on the ground in front of her, her brother speaking to her – audibly, no less – seemingly without response.

"Are you all right?" Cassandra asked. "You've been a bit…"

"Odd," contributed Asparagus, who was better known as Rag to differentiate him from his grandfather.

"I'm fine," said Alonzo. "Why wouldn't I be?"

The Abyssinian frowned, casting a look over her shoulder. Alonzo was a little too relieved that her gaze seemed to go to something other than the dark-colored tabby who kept drawing his attention. "You just seem unusually distractible, lately. Is there something on your mind that you need to talk about?"

He gave a reassuring smile. "No, Cass. Just a bit tired, maybe. I've had extra watches, lately." The queen didn't seem wholly convinced, but she pursued the topic no further.

It must have been pretty bad if others were noticing his distraction, despite his best efforts to hide it. He couldn't help it, though. That night had been unique; special, even. But then, she had fled. She had fled before he was even awake and had barely uttered even a greeting to him since. It would have been far less distracting if the queen in question had gone back to how she had always been before, but she hadn't.

"You know what else is odd?" Rag was saying as Alonzo realized his gaze had started to wander again. "The twins. Don't you think the twins have been odd, lately?"

"I was thinking that, too!" Cassandra said, looking over her shoulder again, this time directly at the identical siblings. "Tantomile has been more outgoing, but she's suddenly started keeping to herself, again."

Rag nodded in agreement. "And I've never seen Coricopat talk so much. Not even to her."

"Right? They usually use telepathy, I think, but it's almost like she's ignoring him," Cass noted. "Do you think they're fighting?"

Alonzo felt their gazes turn back to him as they both noticed his lack of participation. The bi-colored's eyes were settled upon one of the cats in question. "Maybe they are," he offered quietly.

On the other side of clearing, Tantomile sat with her tail curled around her feet. She had been gazing about until she noticed Alonzo's eyes on her. She had kept her own eyes fixed on the ground ever since.

She still didn't know what to say to him. Now, even less than when she had woken at his side. The queen knew, of course, that what had happened between them had simply been a spur of the moment sort of thing. Although considered far more of a gentletom, Alonzo could charm a queen every bit as well as the Rum Tum Tugger. Everyone knew this. She had known this – she'd just forgotten, and now…

Well, now, things were even more complicated than they had started out.

"Are you still upset at me?" Coricopat asked her, his tone rather distressed. He was seated beside her, although their posture was not the same for once. Actually, they had not mirrored or mimicked one another since their argument.

_"Where have you been?"_ He had greeted her when she had returned that morning. She had meticulously groomed herself after leaving Alonzo's den – twice, mindful of removing his scent from her, of preventing the questions that would undoubtedly follow had she returned home smelling of another cat. Her brother had obviously been greatly concerned during her absence, but he did not suspect. He was simply worried.

Tantomile had not told him, of course. She had simply stated that she had been out, and left it at that. That was when the apologies had begun – a parade of genuine, heartfelt, distressed apologies that her brother delivered to her every day.

"I said I was sorry," he was repeating himself again, quiet and earnest. _/Tantomile!/_ "Tanta! I'm _sorry. _I didn't mean it. I know that doesn't make up for me saying it, at all, but you know I didn't mean it! It's just… Sometimes, I can't get rid of father's voice in my head. All the things he used to say to us…

"You were right. Okay? And I'll try to do just as you said. Can't you forgive me, now, sister?" Cori pleaded.

His distress was wearing at her. It hurt her heart almost as much as his cruel remark had. "I've already forgiven you, Cori," Tantomile said, looking up into her brother's matching eyes. "You can stop apologizing. I know you didn't really mean it."

"Then, why won't you let me in, again?" the tom asked perplexedly. "I miss you, Tanta. I feel alienated from you, this way!"

The queen sighed quietly. "Don't you think we spend too much time inside our heads, sometimes, Cori? Maybe this will be better for us. I think, perhaps, we have grown too dependent on sharing thoughts in such a way."

"But… that is what we have always done, Tantomile. We've always had that connection, but now, you don't want it anymore?" Cori spoke incredulously, not understanding at all. "Are you… Are you trying to keep something from me?"

"I just want to be alone to my thoughts, Cori!" she snapped at him. Of course, she was keeping something from him. That was the sole reason she had not reestablished her connection with her brother. Even if he didn't immediately discover where she had gone that night, there was no hiding the complication that had arisen from it.

And Tanta wasn't ready for that to come out, just yet.

For a moment, Coricopat looked a bit stung, but then responded, "Fine! But you know for a fact that I have never snooped around your head without permission." With that, the mystic tom rose to all four feet and padded away.

Tantomile looked back at the ground, tail curled more securely around her. "I know you haven't, Cori," she murmured softly. Feeling a set of eyes on her, once more, the queen looked up without thinking. It was Alonzo, again. She quickly looked away.

_Bast, what was she going to do?_

0o0o0

"I thought you were interested in Cassandra," Munkustrap remarked. Alonzo had shot him a confused look. The comment had come out of nowhere, after all. The two toms had been patrolling the Junkyard boundary, an easy silence settled between them as there usually was at this hour. Until Munkus had spoken up, that is.

"What?" he said, not entirely certain just what his friend was getting at.

"You're my best friend, Lonz. Did you really think I wouldn't notice when your attention suddenly strayed elsewhere?" the tabby asked rhetorically. "Tantomile, though…"

"What about it?" Alonzo responded, a faint defensive edge to his tone that his friend didn't fail to notice. Perhaps, he ought to have tried denying it instead, but his friend knew him too well for that.

"Nothing. It's just…" Munkustrap slowed to a stop and turned to face him.

"It's just what, Munkus?"

"Are you sure your interest in her isn't just because she seems mysterious? You hardly ever noticed her, before."

"I doubt anyone has, really," Alonzo mumbled so softly that Munkus missed most of it. His actual response was spoken more clearly. "I don't think she's that mysterious." He turned to continue their patrol.

Munkustrap fell in step beside him. "What is she, then?" he asked, still a bit skeptical. After all, Cassandra had been the first queen his friend had become even moderately serious about and it had taken years for him to reach that point.

"Withdrawn," Alonzo answered thoughtfully. "She's withdrawn and… uncertain." The Jellicle Protector sent him an inquiring look, but he didn't expound on his answer. Truthfully, he wasn't entirely certain himself.

0o0o0

Others were beginning to look at her. At least, that is what it felt like. Tantomile knew that, logically, the number of looks she garnered now were not much greater than what she had gotten before. It was funny how a bit of paranoia could make one feel differently about such things.

Most, she did realize, were merely cognizant of the rift that had formed between her and her brother. They'd always been a united front before, spending most of their time together. It made the other cats curious to see that this had changed. There were a few, however, that were beginning to sense that there was something else, something about her in particular that had changed, and as each day passed, Tantomile felt more and more apprehensive about her secret coming out – and it would. She had no doubt about that.

"Tantomile, dear."

She just wished it hadn't been quite so public.

Tantomile looked up at the owner of the paw that had reached out to touch her arm as she left the clearing. Jennyanydots peered back at her, and the mystic did not need to be able to read the Gumbie cat's mind to know her thoughts. They were written plainly on her motherly features.

"Yes, Jenny?" she replied, her stomach twisting into knots as she vainly hoped that she was wrong. She knew that she wasn't, of course. The only cat more likely to have noticed and recognize her condition first was Coricopat, and he was too preoccupied with believing she was still upset with him.

The older queen stepped a bit closer, her concern almost palpable. Her tone was soft as she continued, pitched so that only Tantomile was supposed to hear her. "I apologize if this seems a bit… intrusive," Jenny began delicately, "but… my dear, do you realize that you're pregnant?"

There it was – the newest and greatest complication in her life. Tantomile diverted her gaze, opening her mouth to respond, but hers was not the next voice to speak.

"Pregnant?" Jellylorum had exclaimed. The calico had been making her way over to talk to Jenny when she overheard her friend's words. She'd been too loud. The clearing had grown hushed and others were turning to look in their direction.

Tantomile found that she had to swallow before she could answer, but even then, her voice sounded hoarse when she spoke. "I did realize, yes."

She had answered quietly, but it didn't matter. Everyone was listening – even the kittens had grown still. Tanta knew she couldn't blame Jennyanydots and Jellylorum for this. The elder queens were merely concerned and surprised. She'd have been surprised, herself, were she in their fur. Nonetheless, part of her did blame them. After all, if they had been more discrete in exercising their concern, she would not currently be in such an awkward position.

"Pregnant..? Tantomile?" A murmur had started to pass among those present, and Tantomile began to wish that she was a conjuror rather than a mystic so that she could disappear from the situation entirely. She could feel their gazes – Coricopat's in particular. She knew it was her brother because she could sense the surge of bewilderment and tangled emotions bleeding through into her consciousness even though her own mind was still shut to him.

A shamed flush coloring her face, Tanta backed away from the two motherly cats. She turned to retreat from the clearing and the looks she was receiving from the others, but she didn't get very far.

"Pregnant?" The word came from Cori, this time, as he moved in to confront her. "You… I-I thought you were still angry with me! I thought you were closing me out to – to punish me, o-or distance yourself from me because you were still hurt!"

"Cori, I-"

"Is that where you went that night? You, Tantomile?" he demanded.

"Please, Coricopat. You're my brother. You of all-" Tantomile began, but he cut her off, once more.

"That's precisely why you ought to have confided in me!" Coricopat exclaimed.

It hurt him, Tanta realized as she gazed back at him. Not only was her brother wounded that she no longer opened her mind to him, but he was also hurt that she had not confided in him. She supposed he was somewhat justified in feeling that way. After all, she did think that were their positions somehow reversed, she'd have felt hurt, as well.

"Who's the father?" her twin finally voiced the question that was no doubt going through everyone's minds.

Tantomile opened her mouth, but any response died on her lips. Did she tell the truth, or make up a story? Or perhaps, she should simply refrain from answering? Unable to continue holding his gaze, she looked away, belatedly noticing that others had started to crowd in. Demeter was one of them, a paw outstretched, looking as though she sincerely wanted to offer some sort of comfort or support but was uncertain whether it would be welcome. She wasn't certain herself.

"Tantomile!" Coricopat said sharply. Bast, was she missing when their confrontations were truly private.

She started to speak again, still not sure what to say, but she didn't have to. Somebody else answered for her, cutting between her and her upset sibling.

"I am." A paw took her by one arm, turning her towards the nearest exit as an arm came to encircle her shoulders, shielding her in part from the others. Tantomile looked up at her rescuer, although she already knew who it was.

"Alonzo…"

0o0

_To be continued..._

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><p><em><strong>AN:** _*fidgets nervously* Well..?__


	3. Out of Order

**_A/N__:_**_ So, here we have a Chapter 3! The Muse has really been delivering, lately. Just a head's up that I am about to start a new full-time job, so it may delay the next chapter.  
><em>

_A warm thanks to my reviewers. I love feedback. Feedback is good._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

0o0

He had been caught off-guard. Of course, he had been. How could he have possibly anticipated such a turn of events?

Alonzo had been watching her again, distracted from the conversation he was having with Munkustrap and Rag. He thought that at some point, Munkus had noticed his preoccupation and stopped addressing him.

Tantomile had sat quietly at the edge of the clearing, keeping to herself as she had been doing. Her brother was beside her, looking as though he wanted to speak to her but had run out of things to say. She had gotten up and started towards the exit without a word. Obviously frustrated, Coricopat had turned to look the other way.

"What do you think, Lonz?" Rag hadn't forgotten he was part of the conversation. Alonzo tore his attention back to his friends, but he hadn't the slightest idea what he was being asked. He looked to Munkus for clarification, but before the tabby could offer any sort of illumination, his world shifted off-kilter.

_Pregnant?_ He whirled about, blue eyes wide. Yes. The word was being applied to who he thought it was. She… Tantomile was…

She was embarrassed. It was plain to see that she wanted nothing more than to disappear. When had she become so easy for him to read? For anyone?

Munkustrap was giving him a hard look. Alonzo could feel his friend's gaze boring into him, but he didn't turn to look at the other tom. He didn't need to. The tabby would have already put the pieces together. Judging by the way he glanced back and forth between what was happening and the tom beside him, Rag had made the connection as well.

Alonzo tensed as Tantomile's brother confronted her. He found he didn't like how antagonistic the other tom was being. In fact, the way everyone was looking at her quickly began to bother him as well. Sure, many of them meant well, but couldn't they see how uncomfortable she was? Such a private cat – how humiliated she must feel to be in the spotlight in such a way!

"Alonz-" Munkustrap had begun, tone admonishing, but he didn't remain to hear the tabby out, just then. He was already in motion, moving quickly across clearing to interpose himself between the two siblings.

"I am," he answered the mystic's question firmly. He felt some satisfaction at the way Coricopat drew back in surprise, having expected neither his interference nor his answer. Alonzo shot a reproving frown at his fellow Jellicles, then turned Tantomile towards the exit and led her away from their curious gazes.

Once they had made their way out of the clearing and down the path a ways, Tantomile pulled away from him. The queen turned towards him, although she didn't quite meet his gaze.

"You did not have to do that," she told him softly.

"I am the father, aren't I?" Alonzo asked, already certain of the answer.

"Well, yes, but-"

"Then, of course, I did!" he said emphatically. "Were you even going to tell me?"

Tantomile opened her mouth to respond but said nothing. Her amber eyes rose to meet his for a brief moment before moving away again. He decided that he didn't like seeing her that way – so uncertain and insecure. Was this really the way that she was? How her brother was, even?

"Tantomile, you had to know that it would come out. Didn't you think I would figure it out once everyone knew about your condition?" the tom asked her.

"I don't expect anything from you," Tantomile answered quietly.

He felt a flicker of irritation. "Except rejection, you mean?"

"No, I-" she started to deny.

"No," Alonzo countered, "I think I'm starting to get an idea for why you and your brother are so content to keep to yourselves so much of the time. You're so used to being rejected, that you don't really stop to consider that we are _different_ from your old tribe."

"So, you imagine that you know us, now?" Tantomile retorted.

"No! How could anyone possibly know you? The only one you allow remotely close to you is your brother!" the tom exclaimed.

The queen had no response to this. Really, how could she refute it? She had been speaking more to some of the others before that night she had found herself in Alonzo's embrace, but she could not really claim that she had opened up to any of them.

"Be my mate."

Tantomile's head shot up at the softly spoken words. She stared incredulously at the tom. What in Heaviside was he thinking? Had he really just..?

"Look, I know that it's sudden," Alonzo continued. "This whole situation is sudden and unplanned. Maybe, I am rushing things. I mean, I am… rushing things… but Tantomile, I've been that kit without a father. No matter the circumstances, I would never let my own go through the same thing. Not if I have any say in the matter.

"I know this isn't the usual way things go, but I want to be there. For our offspring, and for you," he said sincerely.

She found herself at a loss for words. He was certainly right about one thing: this was not the usual way such things occurred. It most certainly was not how she had envisioned it would. Like so many others, she'd imagined that love would come first. Love, then a mate, then kittens. It was jumbled up and out of order now, of course. She was already pregnant.

But did she really want to be mated to a tom she still hardly knew? That was the question. She still didn't know whether that would be a better alternative than being a single mother or not. There seemed to be a lot of things she didn't know, of late.

"May I think about it?" Tantomile answered slowly. "As you have said, it is sudden. I would like to consider your offer before answering."

Alonzo nodded. "Yes. Of course you can," he replied.

Tantomile nodded as well, turning to walk away before the tom addressed her again.

"Tantomile," he began, gaze earnest, "no matter how you choose to answer, I will still be here – the rest of the tribe, too. Your brother isn't the only who will support you. Not anymore. Just… remember that."

"Thank you, Alonzo, I'll… I'll remember," she said to him.

Alonzo sat back and watched her go, bewilderment washing over him once more as she departed from view. He was going to be a father. Him, a father! True, he had always wanted kittens of his own, but he had always thought – well, it didn't matter what he'd thought before. Things were different, now. Tantomile was pregnant with his offspring and he barely knew the queen.

Shaking his head, the tom turned to go back to the clearing only to start in surprise to find himself nose to nose with Munkustrap. The silver tabby fixed him with an implacable stare. "Alonzo," he said.

"Munkus," Alonzo returned. "Um... How long have you been there?"

"Since right after Tantomile walked away," Munkus replied. He arched a silver brow. "Care to explain yourself?"

"It's not what you think it is."

Munkustrap stared at him blankly. "Oh? And what is that?"

That was actually a good question, as Alonzo realized that he didn't precisely know _what_ Munkustrap thought of the situation. The black and white tom sheepishly ducked his head.

"You slept with Tantomile," the tabby prompted with a sigh.

"Yes," Alonzo answered, elaborating only when Munkustrap continued to gaze at him expectantly. "She'd been crying. She was upset – you know how I get when queens are upset…"

"So you decided the best way to make her feel better was to _sleep_ with her?"

"It wasn't like that!"

"Then, what was it? Because it sounds a lot like you took advantage of her!" Munkustrap exclaimed disapprovingly.

It occurred to Alonzo then that his friend was acting as Jellicle Protector against him, and that made him feel all the more chagrined. He diverted his gaze. "That was not my intention," he said quietly.

"I should certainly hope it was _not_ your intention," the tabby growled, "especially given the fact that you'd been considering approaching _somebody else_! What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't, okay?" Alonzo snapped back. "Do you honestly think I don't already feel bad about it? Do you believe I don't realize what I've done?"

"Do you?" questioned the Protector. "Or is it only because she's pregnant that you realize you've done wrong?"

Alonzo hung his head, shoulders slouching. While he had felt somewhat bad before, it had been primarily because the queen had been behaving so uncharacteristically. He could not confidently say that he'd considered the full implications of what he had done that night. Tantomile had seemed so different then; she'd been lonely and lovely and receptive, and it would have been a disservice to both of them if he failed to admit that he had taken advantage of her vulnerability, even if that hadn't been his motive at the time.

Munkustrap let out another sigh, easing up a bit on his reproval. "What are going to do, Lonz?" he asked his friend.

"I'm going to be there," the bi-colored tom responded without hesitating. "I asked her to be my mate."

"Mating is not something to take lightly," cautioned the tabby.

"Munkus, you know me. Do you think I'm taking this lightly? I'm not. I know the implications. I know that it's meant to be for life. I _know_. And even once I've had more time to think about it, I know that it will still feel like the right thing to do. I want to do right by her," Alonzo said.

The other tom considered him for a long moment, weighing his words against what he knew of him, before giving a slow nod. "What did she say?"

"That she needed time to think about it."

Munkus gave another nod. "Don't pressure her."

"I won't," said Alonzo. Nonetheless, part of him couldn't help but hope her answer would be "yes."

0o0o0

Tantomile spent the rest of the day avoiding others as best she could. It wasn't that difficult, really. One of the greatest advantages to being a mystic, after all, was being able to sense when others were around. Sneaking up on her or her brother was nearly impossible for most, and Tanta certainly made good use of this advantage that day.

In fact, she did not encounter another cat until she finally wended her back to the den she shared with her brother. It wasn't vacant. Coricopat was there.

At first, it seemed that the tom wasn't going to address her. His displeasure about the situation was obvious. Not only could she readily observe it in his demeanor, but she could feel it bleeding through into her own mind – she had for hours. She had settled down onto her blanket when it seemed the tom's curiosity got the better of him.

"Was he telling the truth?" Cori asked. "Alonzo; is he the father?"

Tantomile turned to meet his matching gaze and gave a slight nod. "Yes. He is the father."

The tom frowned, brows drawing together. "Why did you sleep with him? It's not exactly something you're in the habit of doing."

"I don't know," she sighed.

"How can you not know?"

"I just don't!" Tanta exclaimed. "He was there, and he was comforting. And after what you had said…"

"So, you did it to prove me wrong?" Coricopat demanded. "Is that it?"

"No! Not everything must be dictated by logic! It just happened."

"Well, that is certainly evident," the tom scoffed quietly. An awkward silence settled between them, made all the more uncomfortable by the simple fact that they were not usually subject to such silences.

"He asked me to be his mate," Tantomile said after a moment.

"He _what_?!" exclaimed Coricopat. He gave her an incredulous stare. "What did you tell him?"

She sighed, looking up to meet his gaze. "I told him I needed to think about it."

The tom gaped. "You told him you'd think about it? Tantomile – what is there to think about?" he sputtered. "You're not seriously thinking about accepting his proposal, are you?!"

"And why shouldn't I?" Tanta demanded. "I don't want to parent a kit alone! Is that so wrong?"

"So, you get together because of a kitten. Then, what? You separate later on? Is that really what you want?" Cori questioned.

His sister gave a bitter laugh. "When did you become so pessimistic, brother?" she queried. "Why must everything end in your mind? Or is it that you truly believe no one will ever want me?"

Coricopat would not have been more stunned had she slapped him in the face. "No," he said. "No, it's not like that, at all. I didn't mean… I just… I don't want you to get hurt!"

"I appreciate that, Cori," Tantomile spoke softly, "I do. But what would be helpful to me now is if you could be at least a little supportive of the choices I am to make, even if you don't necessarily agree with them."

"Are you _listening_ to yourself? How could you expect me to just-" he started to protest.

"Brother, _please_!"

It was not her words alone that cut him off. No; words alone had proven themselves ineffective in expressing what she trying to communicate. So, she had opened her mind to him again, easily reforming the connection they had fostered for so long.

Cori was in no way prepared for the emotions that flooded over him. There was hurt, laced with a hint of betrayal, but it was superseded by self-reproach and embarrassment and shame, shame, shame. Fear and uncertainty and panic and hysteria battled for domination like great titans, causing existence to shudder with each blow. Loneliness and alienation wound through like a biting winter chill, and he gasped, overwhelmed that any cat should feel so much so strongly all at once.

But the worst was the hope, so thin and acute that it cut like a knife, its wavering causing injury to confidence and self-worth alike. It was the hope that brought tears to the tom's eyes. That hope made him quiet his protests, his need to talk _reason_ into the queen. Coricopat no longer hoped for the things his sister longed for – he'd given them up as an unattainable dream – but Tantomile did. While the tom could not understand this, at the very least, as her brother, he could try to understand her.

Crossing the space between them, Cori wrapped his arms around his twin as the queen buried her face against his shoulder. _/What am I going to do with you?/_ he sighed. _/I'm sorry, Tanta./_

_/I'm sorry, too,/_ she replied. _/I never meant to push you away, I just-/_

"Hush," Coricopat told his sister, his upset towards her well and truly dissipated. _/I know, now./_ And he did, in a way that most others never could.

He also knew that the queen was already decided on her answer to Alonzo.

0o0

_To be continued..._


	4. For Good or Ill

**_A/N__:_**_ Hello, again! So today was my first day at the new job - it was fantastic. I had finished this I think either yesterday or the day before, so I thought I would give it another edit and deliver it to you wonderful peeps. Still can't make any promises, however, I do think the new vocation will be conducive to at least regular updates, if not as frequent as they have been up to this point.  
><em>

_Also, _MusicalGurl_ and anyone else wondering: Rumpleteazer will absolutely be in this tale. I've got plans for her; she has just been slow in making her appearance. She appears in this chapter, albeit briefly, and should be appearing with greater regularity beginning next chapter._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

0o0

"Tantomile, dear!" Jennyanydots called.

Hesitantly, Tantomile paused to let the older queen catch up with her. She mustered a thin smile for the tabby. "Hello, Jenny," she said.

Jenny took her paws in her own, gentle copper eyes meeting her gaze. "My dear, I owe you an apology," the motherly cat began regretfully.

"You really don't," Tanta contradicted.

"But I do," insisted the Gumbie Cat. "I ought to have spoken to you in private, rather than somewhere we could be so easily overheard. I was just so surprised that, well, I must have made things terribly awkward for you. And I am so sorry for that, Tantomile. I know that Jelly feels badly about it, as well, and will likely tell you herself the next time she sees you."

"Thank you," the younger queen said. "Not only for your concern, but also…" She trailed off.

Jenny smiled knowingly. "But for also realizing that I've done you wrong?" Her expression brightened warmly at Tantomile's small answering smile. "I try not to be misguided in my concern, and I've learned that just because I mean well doesn't mean that everything I do is right."

"That must be what makes you so approachable," Tanta said.

The tabby fondly caressed her cheek with a paw before tucking her arm around her own and continuing in the direction Tantomile was going when she found her. "Now, I know that things must seem a bit overwhelming to you. How could they not? Feeling like you needed to hide this from everyone, only for me and my big mouth to interfere, poor dear," Jenny said. "But I want you to know, that no matter what, you can always come to me – and not just concerning your condition, dear. For anything. Always. Understand?"

"Jenny…" Tantomile murmured, feeling touched. If there was one cat besides her brother in the tribe that she had begun to feel a connection with, it was Jennyanydots. The older queen had always made her feel welcome, even though she was not exactly the most forthcoming.

"Now, now, sweetheart, don't do that," Jenny tutted kindly. She reached out to smooth a stray tear from the younger queen's cheek. "You're too pretty for all that. Come here."

As she leaned down a bit to accept the tabby's embrace, Tantomile couldn't help but think that she was in danger of becoming dependent upon such contact. It seemed more and more cats were hugging her in some way and her former lack of it was growing ever more pronounced.

Tanta tentatively tightened her hold on the tabby. She could not remember being held by her own mother. The queen had died when she and Cori were very young. In fact, she could not reliably say that she knew what the queen looked like, except that others had said she and her brother resembled her more than their father. Their father certainly hadn't hugged them in years. Not since their powers had become obvious; maybe even before.

"There, now," Jenny soothingly rubbed a paw against her shoulder. "It's going to be just fine. You'll see. And I think you'll find that even though some of the others are still surprised, they'll be understanding towards you, so don't you worry your pretty little head over that. If anyone gives you any trouble, I'll give them what for, okay?"

"Okay," Tantomile mewed, finally pulling back.

The tabby smiled up at her. "Better?" she asked, receiving a small nod. She tucked the younger cat's paw into her arm, once more. "Let's move along, then. The others missed seeing you after you disappeared, yesterday. Demeter, especially, wanted to be sure you're okay."

Tanta gave an uncertain smile at this. She still wasn't sure she shared the older queen's optimism about how the others would respond, but she supposed that at the very least she had Jenny on her side. That alone brought her a lot of comfort.

0o0o0

"There you are!" Bombalurina's tone was almost admonishing. "Dem was afraid you'd hide yourself away or something."

One thing was certain: Tantomile was definitely not accustomed to receiving so much attention. She and her brother were never exactly ignored by the rest of the tribe. In fact, compared to the northern tribe where they had grown up, the twins were treated warmly.

"I apologize. I did not mean to worry anyone," Tanta said to the two queens who had approached. She wished that Jenny hadn't left her, quite yet, finding that she missed the tabby's presence even though the older queen was still visible within the clearing.

"You don't have to apologize," replied Demeter, who gave her sister a reproving look. "I just wanted to make sure you're all right."

"I'm all right," Tantomile assured.

The problem had been that the siblings had not been used to interacting freely with those around them when they'd arrived. They had been outcast due to their abilities for as long as they had had them and the idea that others actually wanted to talk to them was foreign. Eventually, their reticence had dissuaded all but the most irrepressible cats and the majority of their new tribe gave them their space.

"Tanta!" There was one of the irrepressible souls, now, bounding towards her in such a manner that she half-expected to be embraced, yet again. The calico stopped just short of colliding with her, however, grin lighting up her freckled features. "I 'eard ya was 'aving a kit! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Rumpleteazer," she responded.

"So, you an' Lonz, then, eh?" the Cockney continued chattily. "I can see it. Though, I always thought ye'd be more for someone like Plato."

Demeter had reached out to put a paw on the younger cat's shoulder, although judging by her expression, Rumpleteazer didn't seem to understand her motive for doing so. It occurred to Tantomile to wonder if either Rumpleteazer or her brother Mungojerrie were aware that others started off as strangers and later became friends. They certainly had always treated the twins like they'd already known them. Tanta had found this behavior bemusing, whereas Coricopat had been a little put off by it.

"It was not exactly planned," Tantomile answered softly.

_/They're certainly being friendly, today,/_ Coricopat remarked dryly as he made his own way into the clearing, electing to avoid the group gathering around his sister. He jumped up onto a dryer and curled his tail around his feet.

His sister shot him a look. _/They're always friendly,/_ she informed him reprovingly. The tom scoffed aloud, earning a frown from his twin. _/Just because you seldom deign to interact with them, doesn't mean they aren't friendly./_

_/You expect me to believe they aren't being more forward than they usually are?/_ Cori questioned.

Tantomile turned her attention back to the queens in front of her, responding to something Bombalurina had said. _/I didn't say they weren't. They're trying to be supportive./_

_/Right. Of course. Must be why you're so tense, then./_

She shot him another look.

_/You are! You're tying my shoulders into knots from sitting so stiffly!/_ he protested, rolling his shoulders for emphasis.

His twin dismissed him with a slight shake of her head, but made a conscious effort to relax, nonetheless. Tantomile was half-surprised to find that both Rumpleteazer and Bombalurina had already left, as she only vaguely recalled bidding them goodbye. It was largely her brother's fault for distracting her. Cori clearly captured this sentiment and rolled his eyes.

"Unfortunately, I have to be going, as well," Demeter was telling her. "I'll see you later?" A flicker of uncertainty shone in the black and gold queen's eyes, emphasizing the hopeful note in her tone.

"Of course," Tantomile answered. She was rewarded with a warm smile. After Demeter left, she sat alone for a moment, although several cats glanced in her direction, waiting for some undetermined interval to elapse before approaching her. She had just decided to go join her brother when the kittens made their way towards her.

"But Jelly said not to crowd her," Jemima was protesting quietly.

"We're not crowding her," countered Pouncival.

"Yeah!" agreed his sister Etcetera. "See? She's all by herself! We're just giving her company."

"I'm pretty sure all of us together counts as crowding her," opined Victoria, to which both Jemima and Electra nodded.

"Hi, Tantomile!" greeted Tumblebrutus, being the first of their group to reach the queen. The others echoed the greeting, except for Electra, who looked down at her paws. This seemed a bit odd, since from what Tantomile had observed of the little queen, she wasn't really that shy.

"Hello," Tanta returned with a smile. The little ones really were rather cute. She found she couldn't help but wonder what her own would be like.

Apparently, beyond their initial hellos, the kittens hadn't planned what to say, for they gazed uncertainly amongst themselves. A minute or two of this passed before Jemima shyly asked, "Are you really going to have a kitten?"

"Jemi's excited 'cause she won't hafta be the youngest, anymore," Etcetera piped up. Her friend pouted at this, proving the statement had some verity.

"Yes," Tanta confirmed, "it is true." She was amused by the general thrill of excitement that went through the young group.

"And Alonzo's the dad, right?" queried Tumble. "Are you going to be his mate, now?"

Such inquisitive young souls, but it was a very good question. "Should I..?" the queen mused aloud yet again, though she had already settled upon her answer, for good or ill. She glanced over to where the tom in question had been entering the clearing before drawing to a halt. Apparently, he was having a staring contest with her brother.

_/Stop it,/_ she chastised her twin, who shot her a look before opting to turn his back on the bi-colored cat.

"Oh, you should!" Victoria was gushing. "I think it would be romantic!" Electra snorted quietly at this.

"Yeah – Alonzo is great!" enthused Tumble.

Pouncival gave a laugh. "Tumble just wants you to say yes 'cause he likes Lecs, but she's got a crush on Alonzo."

"DO NOT!" denied Tumble, face flushing red.

"BLABBERMOUTH!" Electra exclaimed heatedly. Cetty had the good sense to spring away from her brother before their two friends simultaneously attempted to clobber him.

The eldest among them, and therefore of the belief that she was quite above the others' immaturity, Victoria took the older queen by the arm and led her a bit away from her quarreling companions. Little Jemima trotted after the two of them, whereas Etcetera remained behind. (It was uncertain, however, whether Cetty was attempting to defuse the situation or contribute to it.)

"Don't worry about them," Victoria said austerely. "They're always like that. If they don't have one thing to fight about, it's another."

"It's mostly because Pounce and Cetty don't know when to keep things to themselves, though," added Jemima.

The white kitten nodded in thoughtful agreement. "We're all really excited, though. Kittens are so cute!"

Tantomile decided against pointing out that the two little queens were technically still kittens themselves. Jemima certainly was, even if Victoria was old enough to be considered an adolescent. Instead the older queen offered another smile. "Thank you," she told them.

"You're welcome!" Victoria beamed, her gaze flitting to something over Tanta's shoulder. "Anyhow, Jemi and I will be going, now. We've got to… um…"

"We need to save Pounce from Lecs and Tumble," said Jemima.

"Yes! That." The older kitten gave her friend an approving look. "See you around, Tantomile!"

"Bye," Jemima waved, and then the two small cats hurried away. The queen suspected she knew the reason for their hasty retreat.

"They haven't mastered subtlety quite yet, have they?" Alonzo remarked.

Tantomile turned towards him. "No. It doesn't seem like they have," she agreed quietly, amber eyes meeting his.

The tom held her gaze. He was glad to have found her here. Part of him had worried that she would avoid the rest of the tribe after what happened the previous day, but here she was. He silently added strength and courage to the list of attributes that she possessed.

"Alonzo?"

He blinked; staring again. The bi-colored cat shook himself. "Would you care to go for a walk with me?" he asked. She gave a small smile and nodded.

They departed from the clearing, following one of the numerous paths which wound between junk piles. Awkwardness had settled between them. Even though they had been acquainted through everyday life in the tribe, they really were essentially strangers. Alonzo had been brought into the tribe when he was still a young kitten, whereas Tantomile and her brother were already of age when they came from the north. With the twins' reticence, they had just never taken the opportunity to get to know one another.

"I have thought long about your offer," the queen finally spoke up.

"If you need more time, you have it," he replied. They came to a stop, turning to face one another.

"No need," said Tantomile. She looked down at her feet, falling silent instead of continuing.

Alonzo's heart made an odd sort of lurch and he was speaking before he had fully intended to do so. "Look, I know that things are backwards with us, right now, and maybe that will make things really hard. But it's not something I suggested flippantly. I would be good to you. I would be good to our kitten. Things are all out of order, but I think, if given the chance-"

"Alonzo," Tanta gently broke into his rambling, looking up to capture his earnest blue gaze. Despite the unorthodox situation they were in, she couldn't help but smile a bit. "I was already going to say yes."

He stared at her, incredulity spreading across his features. Had she really..?

"As you said, things are out of order between us, but I do believe it may be for the best," she continued. "I do not wish to be a single mother, even with the support of the rest of the tribe. I don't feel that it would be quite the same. I… I want a mate by my side, and maybe it's a bit foolish, but… if you are willing to try, then so am I."

Suddenly, Tanta found herself engulfed in another's arms again. She tensed in surprise. Had others always been this prone to hugging?

"Thank you," Alonzo murmured, pulling back almost as abruptly as he had embraced her. Part of her mourned that the contact had been so brief.

"And thank you," she returned. He smiled at her and she felt a bewildering flush rise to her face. The queen dropped her gaze, uncertain once more.

What in Heaviside was this tom doing to her?

0o0

_To be continued..._


End file.
